If you deal with people at all, then you are almost certainly are dealing with a jerk or two.
I think you know what I mean by “jerk.” They’re the folks who are brash and inconsiderate, usually arrogant, noticeably immature. And mouthy – that’s a jerk’s specialty! So they make their mark on you with snide comments, subtle putdowns, or personal observations that weren’t asked for.
Sometimes they’re controlling, usually they’re rude, often they demand center stage, and generally they’re irritating. Not lethal, mind you, and certainly not evil. Just a nuisance, like little mosquitoes who don’t ruin our lives but do make them a bit harder.
We usually aren’t intimate with jerks. (I’ll bet I just lost some of my married female readers who are thinking, “I sure am!”) Anyway, in my experience, we try to keep people like that at arm’s length, not looking for close companionship with them. But we have to deal with them anyway, because they come to us via our regular places of interaction. They tend to be co-workers, family members, fellow church goers, or casual friends – people we wouldn’t necessarily seek out, but people within our proximity.
Now if I was more Christ-like, I’d regard a jerk with more affection, recognizing his value and appreciating his good qualities while showing grace for his bad ones. But the truth is, I simply don’t like jerks. I don’t relate to their aggressive, clumsy ways; my respect for them tends to be low.
But that says more about me than them. I’m commanded to love them, and as I reflect on the role they’ve played in my own growth, I really do have to thank God for them.
Because Jerks are tools in the Potter’s hands, buffeting me and making me a better, stronger man. So these days, I’m inclined to think of them as my Beloved Jerks, those interesting dudes and occasional lady God places in my life to refine me. And there are three reasons I say, sometimes enthusiastically and sometimes through gritted teeth, “God Bless my Beloved Jerks.”
Jerks Enhance Patience
Paul told the Ephesians to “forbear one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2), the word “forbear” meaning to literally withstand or endure. Compare that to what Peter said when he wrote that we should love one another fervently because “love covers a multitude of sins” (I Peter 4:8) and you get a picture of one saint patiently enduring the “jerkiness” of another, covering rather than picking at the other’s sins, loving enough to stand alongside rather than criticize.
Now I’m pretty good at standing alongside the people in my life, but that means less than nothing, because the friends God has blessed me with don’t require forbearance. They’re the finest, truest, godliest of people, so I get no points for being kind to them. What the heck else could I be?
But I crave being a “forbear” kind of guy with the less-than-wonderful, the ones who summon Spirit-filled patience out of me, requiring me to be friendly when I’d rather dismiss, to talk when I’d rather cross the room. I don’t grow by just enjoying the quality people. But when I’m interacting respectfully and kindly with a Jerk or two, it’s like lifting 40 pound dumb bells when I’m used to the 20 pound type. It hurts, sure, and there’s a bit of soreness involved. But only by lifting the heavier weights do I get real growth going.
Jerks Enhance Engagement
When we’re dealing with non-believers, we have less of a mandate to discuss their particular sins and more of a mandate to, as Paul said, “walk in wisdom” towards them (Colossians 4:5) looking for chances to share the gospel, loving them as neighbors, and forgoing judgment of their particular behaviors since, being dead in sin anyway, they are already under judgment. (I Corinthians 5:12)
But at times we’re required to engage with a brother or sister regarding their sin, particularly if it is significant and directed towards us. So said Jesus (Matthew 18:15) commanding us to speak privately and honestly with a believer who’s offended us, and to take it seriously enough to make it a matter of church discipline if its’
not resolved.
Likewise, Paul told the Thessalonians to “warn the unruly” (I Thessalonians 5:14) an interesting choice of words meaning those who are disorderly, insubordinate, or proverbial “trouble makers.”
Nice word for “Jerk”, because they tend to relish making waves. And at times we’re required to call them on it, pointing out their offensive words of actions. That forces me to abandon the lazier approach of just writing someone off as as Jerk without bothering to discuss it with them, which is a sin every bit as wrong as whatever behavior the Jerk is guilty of.
I surely don’t think God calls us to point out every little deviation we see in a brother or sister. But when an offense is noticeably harming our fellowship, we answer to a higher power than our own convenience. The way of the world is to cut off the offender. The way of Christ is to clearly, lovingly, and with all due humility, point out the offense, seeking reconciliation and greater understanding.
And we are all definitely better off for dong so.
Jerks Enhance Humility
Sometimes I really think my distaste for a Jerk’s arrogance isn’t for the arrogance itself, but for the amateurish way he expresses it. He talks too much, announces his opinion like it’s law, and seems to think we’re all on the edge of our seats waiting to hear his oracles.
Like I said, Amateur. I’m much better at arrogance than that. My own arrogance is quieter and (ugh!) classier. In other words, I sin a little better than he does, because I’m not so obvious about my own vanity.
Which, when I consider it, makes me realize my Beloved Jerk and I have more in common than I want to admit. And if that’s true, it must also be true that he really has much to offer, which I shouldn’t write off simply because he has the Jerk
thing going.
I remember, for example, decades ago attending a community church where a young man, absolutely bursting at the seams with self-importance, also worshipped. He’d recently graduated Bible College and evidently majored in Audacity, because he had no qualms about correcting the pastor after the sermon, interrupting Sunday School teachers with criticisms of their lessons, and taking over every conversation he was a part of.
He was obnoxious. He was also, frequently, right. And really, we who ignored him because of his attitude lost out on quite a bit, because he truly had a lot to offer.
Which reminds me of Paul’s point that the eye cannot say it has no need of the hand (I Corinthians 12:21) nor can I say I have no need of the Jerk. The Body of Christ is not a social club in which we bond only with those we prefer. It is a literal body, composed of members who are mutually dependent, governed by a Head who is so concerned about our love and unity that before He was executed He harped on those two themes repeatedly and passionately. (See John 14-17)
I have much to learn from the Jerk, and he from me. The truth he offers will help me; my observations about how poorly he sometimes offers it will help him. I’ve also much to learn about my own Jerk nature, which is surely there though largely unnoticed by me. In fact, who’s to say that someone who knows me isn’t reading this article and marveling at the fact that the author is writing about himself but, like the proverbial naked emperor, cannot see himself in his own critique?
Well, that’s something to mull over this weekend. I hope yours is wonderful.
God bless.
Love,
Joe
